No More Mean Girls Inside Your Head
Breaking Free from Your Inner Critic
We all have that voice inside our head—the one that whispers doubts, amplifies our insecurities, and questions our every move. Some days it's Gollum from Lord of the Rings, perched on my shoulder with his calculating eyes and venomous commentary. Other days, it's Regina George from Mean Girls, collaging a Burn Book dedicated entirely to my insecurities. These visualizations have become powerful tools, allowing me to physically imagine flicking these unwanted advisors away when they launch into their toxic spiral.
Even the Inventor of Toaster Strudel Experiences Self-Doubt
This inner critic is remarkably consistent across different people and professions. Whether you're a seasoned CEO or just starting your career, it shows up at pivotal moments like the plastics at a high school cafeteria table, ready with familiar refrains:
"Everyone else here is more qualified—they'll figure out you don't belong." "Why are you even trying to get that promotion? You're not ready." "You're not cut out for this level of responsibility." "That's why your hair is so big. It's full of secrets... that you’re not good enough."
The irony is that these thoughts often intensify exactly when we're pushing our boundaries and growing the most. It's as if our inner critic becomes relentless precisely when we're on the verge of our next breakthrough. Just like Regina George trying to maintain her power by keeping others down, our inner critic often fights hardest when we're about to level up.
Learning from Real Experience: My Book Launch Story
When I published my first book, The Pocket Guide to Product Launches, my inner mean girl went into full sabotage mode. There was a repetitive loop in my head: "What if everyone hates this book?," "What if they think I'm a bad writer?," "What if this is a flop and I have to change careers and move to a remote island to hide from everyone?"
I had done all the work and almost backed out of publishing. Finally, launch day came and I was more terrified than excited. Because of my fear, I didn’t make the book launch as big as I could have. No launch party, and no photos of me holding the book until a year later. Yes, I realize the irony, this was a book about launches, after all. Despite this, it’s sold over 3,000 copies around the world, and I get messages every day from people saying this has helped them in their careers.
What I learned from this experience is that if you believe in what you’re putting out in the world, and what you’re working on, you will be successful. Your inner critic is trying to push you down.
Understanding Your Inner Critic
Think of your inner critic as a misguided protector. It developed these patterns to shield you from potential failure or embarrassment. But just like an overprotective parent, it can hold you back from the very experiences you need to grow.
The key to managing your inner critic lies in recognizing its patterns and developing strategies to respond effectively. Here's how you can start:
Identify the Voice: Write down one or two of the most persistent messages your inner critic delivers. What exact phrases does it use? What situations trigger these thoughts?
Visualize the Critic: Create your own mental image of this voice. Is it a Gollum-like creature? A Regina? Having a clear visualization makes it easier to separate these thoughts from your authentic self.
Respond with Compassion: Consider how you would respond if a best friend voiced these same doubts. Write down the supportive, encouraging words you'd use. This becomes your template for transforming negative self-talk into constructive dialogue.
Practice the Flick: When you catch your inner critic at work, physically imagine flicking it away. Replace its message with the supportive response you developed in step 3.
Stop Trying to Make Self-Doubt Happen
Just as Cady Heron (Lindsay Lohan’s character) eventually learned to stop giving power to the Plastics, we can learn to stop giving power to our inner critics. Whether yours manifests as Gollum, Regina George, or some other unwelcome commentator, remember: you don't have to sit at their table. You can choose to be the hero of your own story instead of the victim of your inner mean girl's drama.
The next time your inner critic tries to fill its Burn Book with negativity about you, remind it: 'You can't sit with us.' Your potential, growth, and confidence are all limitless—and that voice of doubt? Totally overrated.
New here? Me too! This is my sixth edition of The Propel Yourself newsletter, and you can always sit with me. Drop me a comment on Substack or LinkedIn to let me know how you're liking it!